Grab the aloe plant, buff your asbestos lips, and come on down to the...
Hot Sauce Burn Off
A completely subjective analysis of various hot sauces found on today's market, conducted by
Impson Culinary Labs
870 Ackerman Ave.
Syracuse, NY 13210

Mandate:
With the plethora of hot, spicy sauces and condiments available on the market these days, it was decided that there should be commisioned a subjective analysis of various hot sauces with interesting sounding names. The reason for the commissioning of the project was that the head of the Impson Department of Consumption and Hunger Analysis kept forgetting which ones were good and which were just so-so. Now, he's got it written down.

Note that if a sauce was really bad tasting, had no heat at all, or simply hasn't yet been purchased by the judge, it will not show up on the chart. If you feel that a certain sauce should be considered for review, feel free to send a sample of it to the address listed above.

Abstract:
Each entry was judged on a subjective basis, which means that the judge has to give no more reason as to why he liked/disliked anything other than just 'cuz. However, two categories were considered. The first was sheer heat. The second was the amount of flavor. They were judged on a scale of 1 to 10, one meaning the product had little heat/bland flavor, 10 meaning medical attention was required/nirvana was achieved. It would be appropriate to take the average of the heat factor and the taste factor to compute the "best" sauce
Product Name Noteable Ingredient(s)Heat FactorFlavor Factor Other Notes
Dan T's Inferno Mustard Cayenne Sauce Cayenne peppers and mustard flour

3

8

 Cool advertising motif
McIlhenny Co. Tabasco Brand Pepper Sauce Red peppers, vinegar, and salt (and nothing else)

8

6

 Great on scrambled eggs! The vinegar-taste doesn't goe well with some foods, like Southwestern food.
Coyote Cocina Howlin' Hot Sauce Scotch Bonnet Peppers

9

7

 The bottle actually says
"WARNING:
USE AT YOUR OWN RISK!"
Dave's Gourmet Insanity Sauce Lava(??)

10+

1

 I actually think this stuff tastes terrible!

Tests conducted by Jeremy Impson, owner, chief chef, researcher, and sole employee of Impson Culinary Labs